On Sisters, Wounds, and Memoirs

I am finding that as I allow myself to be a minister as a woman without apology for my gender, I have gained confidence in expressing my faith and my understanding of God in ways that are no longer intrinsically tied to the patriarchal history of Christianity.  I am learning how to find my own feminine voice.  Because I have had few examples of women ministers, my understanding of how to operate as a minister has been to model the masculine style.  It feel almost as if I have shed the little girl’s dress up clothes and have come into ministerial adulthood in a way that is uniquely me and markedly feminine.

 

My reflections in my seminary class meetings have begun to hint at this change; but I have found that when trying to express myself, my words have come out disjointed and jumbled.  I am sure that as I progress on this journey, my articulation of the journey will become more cohesive and clear.

 

I journal often, and I share my journey with a very close friend as often as possible.  Most of my journals are a reflection on Kidd’s The Dance of the Dissident Daughter.  They are topic-specific and often reactionary.  The beautiful thing about Kidd’s memoir is that as women read, it elicits reflection and recalls sometimes hurtful memories of their feminine journey.

 

When we chose to read DDD as a group, I knew that some may not be ready to fully digest all that this book has to offer.  I know this because I have read DDD once before, and that reading did not nearly have the affect on me then as it does now.  I know that not everyone will process their journeys quite like I am, but I am so grateful that we are reading this book in community.  By reading it together, we are able to feed off of each other and enlighten each other’s experience.

 

I have one friend, in particular, who has been right there with me every step of the way.  She understands the road that I am walking because she is there holding my hand and walking right beside me.  Together we have explored what Kidd calls the “feminine wound.”  This is the hurt that is still very present in the feminine psyche as a result of centuries of oppression, of being told that we are less than males, and of being forced into submission.  This wound has greatly affected who I am and how I function as a minister.

 

As I have journaled and reflected, I have come to the conclusion that my writings are necessary.  They are words straight from my soul, and one day they will be the foundation of my memoir, even if said memoir is published for no one other than myself, my husband, and my children.

 

I have discovered that Kidd was right.  Every woman has this story.  Every woman can point to the very first time they were made to feel inferior and their God-given, feminine spirits were crushed.  Many little girls do not recover from this moment in their lives and are forever changed.  As I work towards being made whole again, I am realizing that one of my purposes here on earth is to make sure that little girls never lose their spirit.  And for those whose spirits have been dominated by the lie of male superiority, I will tell my story and I will walk with them holding their hand on the road to liberation.

 

 

 

Lydia Pratt Tatum